


No Dawn // No Day

by bastilas



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Apologies, First Time, Frottage, Getting Together, James is a bit of a mess, Jealousy, M/M, Mention of Adam - Freeform, POV James, Past Unrequited Shiro/Keith, Virgin Keith, a mess of a fic spawned by a three second look
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 17:05:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15867945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bastilas/pseuds/bastilas
Summary: The thing is, jealousy's always been one hell of an ugly emotion. It rots you to your core, turning every thought, feeling, and action into a bitter mockery of what they once were until there's nothing left but a decomposed husk of a person remaining.And the thing is, Keith's always inspired jealousy within James in a hundred different shades.----Or:Things get a bit dramatic when team Voltron arrives back to Earth after a four-year absence.





	No Dawn // No Day

**Author's Note:**

> this is legit a mess of a fic and I couldn't be bothered to fact check anything. plus, there's a part with Keith later in the fic that definitely didn't happen in the show but just... don't think too hard on it lol
> 
> also, this was posted a couple of days ago but ao3 messed it up so I had to repost it, so if this looks familiar to you, that's why

James still remembers the day after Keith had been booted from the Garrison clearly. He'd come to some self-realizations that day, for one, and he just as well recalls how laughter had been scarce, smiles were passed around just a little less, and how all nobody dared speak the name Takashi Shirogane.

It'd been two days after they'd received the news of the Kerberos mission. 

The sun had cast harsh shadows across the room, basking it in an orange glow, too cheery for a day such as theirs. Upon the wall, plaques with people whose lives were lost in the name of expanding horizons and exploring space offset the warmth the sun gave off. James and several of his classmates had gathered around, chatting about the Kerberos mission quietly, knowing a commanding officer or instructor could walk by at any moment and stop them from theorizing what exactly happened.

Beneath the four plaques already occupying the wall, they knew three more would be created for Matt and Sam Holt, as well as one for Takashi Shirogane.

Pilot error, their instructor said. That's how they died. James frowned. Takashi Shirogane was the best pilot the Garrison had to offer, and somehow he died while up in space. So if he couldn't survive out there, how would the cadets ever have any hope of doing so?

"I kinda feel bad for Keith, you know?" Leifsdottir, who stands beside James, absently comments, also looking at the empty plaques.

James almost scoffs. _Yeah, so what. Keith got booted out._ If you asked him, Keith might have been an excellent pilot, but he got what was coming to him after blatantly flouting the rules so many times. Shirogane wasn't here to bail him out this time, and good riddance — there's no room in the Garrison for an officer who can't take orders.

He and Keith had an antagonistic relationship, one mostly borne of James' envy. He admired Keith, in a lot of ways. Keith's piloting skills were unrivaled, and he wasn't the worst looking boy around. In some ways, however, it was those same features that had James spitting insults at him. _Especially_ whenever he tried to be friendly to Keith, and Keith just shook him off like he was nothing more than a flea, then turned around and gave Shirogane star treatment. 

"Why?" James asks a couple of seconds later, voice filled with more venom than he meant, his remark coming off uncaring and cold. A faint frown darkened his expression.

Leifsdottir and half of the cadets gathered turn to stare at James in surprise, as if what he asked was some great offense; as if they didn't despise Keith just as much as he did. He thought they'd be happy Keith was gone. He was a nightmare to be partnered up with for team simulations, blew their test scores out of the water without even trying, setting unattainable standards for the rest of them, and was Officer Shirogane's favourite for no discernible reason.

"He's an orphan. It's obvious Shirogane was the only person he'd ever had around to support him. He should've been given bereavement leave or something. Not kicked out for having an outburst in grief."

Oh.

Keith's an _orphan._

And James had continually made fun of Keith's _parents._

James' entire perception of Keith falls flat on its face, changing so suddenly and heavily that James can't help but see himself through Keith's eyes and hate himself too. It's no wonder Keith despised him more than all the others, why he actively avoided James like the plague every time he tried to apologize or come to some modicum of peace between them.

Now, James realizes he'd been as much in the wrong as Keith had been when it came to their antagonistic relationship. Now, he knows why Keith and Shirogane were attached at the hip. 

Shirogane was the only person in the world Keith let into his heart.

And now, he's gone.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

After the Kerberos mission and Keith's expulsion, life got better for James. Easier. He didn't need to spend hours upon hours of his already sparse free time just trying to catch up to Keith. For once, he was number one on all the scoreboards. The instructors looked at him with awe and praise. Students whispered about his cool maneuvers in the simulations. And, to top it off, James actually cooperated with others, so he topped every scoreboard. He was the best.

But as always, fate likes to throw a wrench in the mixup when life starts to go well.

James is twenty-one when the Galra attack Earth and his life becomes centered around fighting a war he isn't quite prepared for, but fights tooth and nail anyway. He sees fellow cadets and soldiers die, entire cities razed to the ground and half of Earth become enslaved. Thoughts of Keith are pushed to the far reaches of his mind, entirely irrelevant.

Until one day, suddenly they aren't.

He and Rizavi answer a call from Sam Holt, who commands them to pick up the paladins of Voltron, who're lost in the ruins of a city. James had never been told much about them, all he knows is that these people are paramount to Earth's continued survival against the Galra; that they've finally come to rescue them all and help fight a losing war.

It isn't until he and Rizavi actually get there and see the team pinned down by a bunch of drones that he's hit with feels like a ton of bricks. Rizavi shoots down a drone about to attack the paladin in red, and in return, the paladin yells: "I had it!"

Then the paladin in red turns around.

And there stands Keith goddamn Kogane, the star of their class who could've become a legend, could've had it all, but instead dropped out and fell off the face of the planet. And now, almost four years later, apparently he's the leader of Voltron, aka Earth's last hope. Every cruel taunt and jibe James ever hurled at him in a stint of jealousy suddenly echoes in his head, banging and grating on his nerves.

His mouth tastes like ash.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Once he and Rizavi get Team Voltron to the Garrison and the Paladins take off their helmets, James can't help but stand and stare.

All of them are changed; scarred, more confident, and matured. Officer Shirogane even has white hair and a missing arm, yet somehow it's still _Keith_ who surprises James the most.

Of course it's Keith.

Keith's welcomed back by Iverson as though he'd never been expelled, as though he'd never caused the instructors any trouble. And while yes, James logically understands it's because Keith has been fighting the Galra in space with his team longer than anyone on Earth, he still can't help a flair of jealousy bubble up within him, hot and simmering.

Keith looks so much older now, too. His hair's grown out, there's a large slash of a scar upon his cheek, and the red armour he's wearing compliments his lithe form instead of awkwardly accentuating it. But more than that, he's more open, calmer, no longer the boy who assumed everyone was out to get him.

Then Keith turns around and stares at him, as if he can feel James' thoughts. James takes off his helmet, as if to show off how much he's changed as well, then storms out of the courtyard, unable to bear another second of that intense stare.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Time spent with the paladins of Voltron shows Keith has changed in many ways, and in some ways, he hasn't changed at all. His willingness to disobey orders and charge headfirst into danger are still prominent features of his, as well as that prickly exterior.

James doesn't mind too much, and even volunteers to go on a mission with Keith and his teammate so they don't get hurt.

He really doesn't mind at all.

Then another mission with himself, Allura, Pidge and Keith happens and all goes well. Keith works excellently with the other members of Voltron and even has a space dog that can teleport him around because _of course he does._

James doesn't mind one bit, until suddenly he does.

He doesn't mean to do it, really. It sort of just happens. One day, he's roaming the halls of the Garrison, wanting to grab something to eat before he heads off to bed when he hears distant voices in a room, the door is cracked open slightly and he can't stop himself once he hears Keith's voice.

"We haven't had time to talk in private yet," Keith says quietly to someone.

"I know. I'm sorry. You know how it is, saving the universe and all that," someone laughs. Officer Shirogane. 

James knows he should leave, but he can't bring himself to move a foot forward. 

"Shiro this is serious."

Shirogane sighs. "I know. Sorry."

"Are you doing okay?"

"As well as I can be, I suppose. Having your consciousness shoved into a clone's body isn't exactly something I'd do for fun. And... Adam..."

"I heard. I'm so sorry," Keith says. There's a moment of silence and James assumes they must be hugging, or be making some sort of comforting gesture. He moves a bit and finds he can see Keith and Shirogane though the open crack in the door. He'd been correct: they are hugging. Keith is completely enveloped by Shirogane's arm and his face is tucked into his chest. They stay like that for a couple of seconds before separating. 

James should really leave. He has no right to be witnessing this intimate moment between them. Keith's vulnerable and allowing every emotion he feels to be expressed. 

James doesn't leave.

"And you? Are you okay?" Shirogane asks.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I— You had to fight my clone thinking it was me. I can't imagine what sort of distress that caused you. And the scar. My hand did that to you."

"Shiro, that wasn't you. I know you would've never of done that to me." Keith grabs Shirogane's only hand and brings it to the scar on his face. "This wasn't _you,_ " he reiterates.

James can't stand to watch them a second longer. Something in him breaks at witnessing Shirogane's teary eyes and Keith's gentle grip on Shirogane's hand. It's intimate. Intimacy he wanted to share with Keith, once upon a time. 

But now it appears he may be too late.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ 

James does a good job of banishing the memory of Keith and Shirogane from his mind for a day. It's during a meeting about ending the Galra the next day when a burning fire starts to rage within James again.

Keith stands up and calls direct orders 'bullshit,' is told to stand down and mind his place by Admiral Sanda, but only gets aggravated by that and fights back more, until of course, Shirogane diffuses the situation and takes Keith's side.

"I know this plan sounds crazy, but I trust Keith. He's a good leader. He took over for me while I was unable to lead and never steered this team wrong," Shirogane states.

Out of the corner of his eye, James sees Allura and Lance wince, as if what Shirogane said was untrue, but they don't protest. Keith, of course, smiles, his eyes warm as he meets Shirogane's gaze before he looks back to the commanders again.

It's like four years ago all over again; Shirogane standing up for Keith, going to any length to support him.

But what's even worse is that the commanders actually agree to Keith's plan once it has Shirogane's backing.

Whenever James tried to bring up his own plans in the past, he'd always been shot down.

Anger simmers in him. His fists clench at his side and he has to hold in another biting retort, lest Sam Holt scold him again.

Looks like his old friend jealousy is back.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

James can't calm down. He keeps thinking about Keith bringing Shirogane's hand to his face to trace his scar; he thinks about Keith's dangerous plan and how they're enacting it in just a few day's time, and that ugly monster called jealousy poisons his veins. Kinkade lies a hand on his shoulder, tries to calm him, but James can't cool himself off, no matter how hard he tries. He paces his room for a while, watches the clock go from six o'clock to seven, then finally decides enough is enough.

He has to talk to Keith.

They've only kept their chatter pertained to missions so far but there's too much unspoken between them. James needs to apologize for remarks that crossed the line years and years ago, and he has to know if Keith and Shirogane are really an item.

He looks in the mirror, making sure not one wrinkle exists in his fatigues before exiting his room. He searches the halls for a while before he finally comes across someone from Keith's team. She's one of the Alteans. Romelle, he thinks her name is. She's always quiet during meetings and never suits up for battles, so he can't quite help but wonder what her place in the team is, but is glad she's with them in this fight all the same.

"Excuse me?" He asks, catching her attention.

Her eyes widen and she looks at James. "Yes?"

"I was wondering if you've seen Keith around?"

"I think he and the others just came back from a team exercise. I know that Hunk's probably hungry so he likely dragged them to a break room or cafeteria. They ended a while ago, though, so I'm not too sure," she gives a hesitant smile. "I hope that helps."

"Yes, definitely. Thank you."

Romelle smiles and nods then continues in the direction she'd been walking.

James sets off to find Keith.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Whatever, see you later, man." James hears someone say before they leave out the doorway past him. James looks back to see it's Lance, one of his previous classmates who'd gone missing.

Inside the break room, there are left two occupants; Keith, and his dog.

James stills for a moment, staring at Keith, who's perched up on the couch with his dog on the floor beneath him, patiently staring at the chips in Keith's hands, waiting for one to fall. Keith's top half of his armour is missing leaving just the black bodysuit beneath, and his hair is a mess of flyaways.

"Keith," James greets.

Keith looks up from the chips to stare at James, eyes a bit wide.

"Hey," he finally says in return.

James comes to sit down on the couch across from him, slow in his movements.

"I just came to talk. There are things I have to get off my chest and things I have to apologize for."

"Okay... shoot," Keith says, eyes a bit narrowed.

"Look, I just wanted to say that, quite frankly, this plan you've come up with is going to get us killed."

Keith's eyebrows begin to furrow. "You have an interesting way of apologizing."

"It's reckless and we could lose it all. You should've listened to the commanders—"

"We're back to this again?"

" _Yeah_ , this again. You've always had a problem with authority, you've never changed. It always got us all into trouble because of it."

Keith glares. "You haven't changed either. Slow and steady doesn't always get the job done. Even Shiro thought it was a good plan—"

"Of course Shirogane thought so."

Keith stands up and his dog jumps to alertness. "What do you mean, _of course Shiro thought so?_ "

James then stands up too. He hadn't meant for this to become hostile, if anything he meant to make up with Keith, but jealousy has a funny way of making people act terribly.

"You know exactly what I mean. You always followed him around like a lost puppy with a crush. He stood up for you whenever you got in trouble, no matter how bad it was."

Keith steps just a bit closer. At this point, James is surprised he hasn't been punched, but he thinks he's dangerously close to being so.

"What is your problem with Shiro?" Keith asks. 

His voice has an edge of danger to it that James probably shouldn't be ignoring, but at this point, he's flying off the handle, not caring his original intention coming here had been to apologize, not antagonize Keith further. But it's like he can't control himself and all the negative feelings have amassed into a storm that won't be quelled. He purposely ignores Keith's question and continues.

"Mommy and daddy weren't there, so you latched onto _Shiro_ with everything you had. Tell me, do you call Shiro daddy in bed too—"

James doesn't get to finish his sentence before he receives a fist to his face. He falls to the ground with the force of it, sure his nose is broken as blood comes gushing out. And sure, maybe he deserves it as Keith lands the second punch, but he fights back all the same, running on self-preservation alone. He yells and flips them around, glad for the muscles he's gained over the past four years, for the height that's given him an advantage over Keith finally. Now, posed over Keith, straddling his hips, James looks Keith in the eyes, glad to see that fiery fury he knew back in full force. But there's something else there too, something that's keeping Keith from pushing James off of him and beating the shit out of him.

"You _do_ have a problem with Shiro," Keith accuses, still staring into James' eyes, scanning for something. "Why do you care so much about him and I?" Keith narrows his eyes, then widens them, his own question answered in his mind only seconds later.

James panics. The rational side of his brain gets tossed out the window, along with all the pent-up anger. It leaves him only with the same realization Keith has come to.

James' eyes drop to Keith's lips and not a second later, he lowers himself to kiss Keith on the lips, desperate and fevered. Keith stills and tenses beneath him, lips unmoving. At this point, James' heart feels as though it's slamming against his rib cage and he has no idea what he's doing but continues anyway. Blood, hot and sticky, still leaking from his throbbing nose, smears between their lips and into the kiss. James can taste the copper of it just as well as the salt from the chips Keith had been eating.

Keith finally moves a hand to James' shoulder, making a faint surprised sound before opening his lips slightly.

It's, of course, that exact moment they hear a whooshing noise. Keith bites James' lip in surprise — or anger — and pushes James away from him with a harsh shove.

" _Keith?"_

James doesn't have to look up to know it's Shirogane. 

Oh fuck. He really screwed this up.

He immediately stands, well aware of how this looks. Shirogane's befuddled and concerned eyes flick to James' bloody face and then to Keith, who's uninjured but has blood covering his lips.

"Look, I don't want to know what's going on. Kosmo teleported into my room and brought me here. I— you two aren't teenagers anymore. I thought we were past this. Whatever's going on, stop it now. We have a war to fight against an alien empire — fighting between ourselves isn't going to help that."

 _What?_ James expected Shirogane to be angry, but for entirely different reasons. Why isn't he upset he just found them kissing?

"No, Shiro, you don't understand." Keith sits up, wiping the blood that isn't dried off his face with his sleeve.

Shirogane looks at Keith incredulously. He shakes his head. "Keith, I know you're stressed, but just try to work it out in training, instead, okay? I don't need this explained to me. You're adults now, I'm not a teacher who's going to throw you in detention."

Keith opens his mouth, but Shirogane narrows his eyes just slightly and it's enough to stop him in his tracks. Keith slumps and sighs loudly. "I know. I'm sorry. I just..." he trails off, and Shirogane nods, as if understanding the unfinished sentence. It wouldn't surprise James if he actually did.

"And Griffin," Shirogane starts. James stands sharp, meeting Shirogane's eyes. "I know Keith doesn't attack people unprovoked. I expected better from you."

"Yes sir," James says, giving a bit of a salute, cheeks slightly pink.

Shirogane shakes his head, disbelieving of the situation. Like he's dealing with petty school children. But he hadn't freaked out at seeing them kissing on the floor, so James supposes that means Keith and Shirogane aren't together?

Once the door shuts behind Shirogane, James looks at the wolf, Kosmo, and glares. The thing must've teleported away to get help while he and Keith were fighting.

Keith stands finally. He still doesn't look at James and instead keeps his eyes trained on his bloody shirt sleeve.

"Keith—"

"Look. You clearly have some issues you need to work out. Come back when you're ready not to fight."

"You were the one who punched me!"

"What did I just say?! The things you were saying were way out of line! And yeah, maybe I shouldn't have punched you, but you walked in here and basically started _insulting_ me. What you said about Shiro—"

"It was wrong. And insulting. I'm sorry."

"Okay. Just... I can't- I can't do this right now."

James stills and looks down to his feet. Keith is right. When it comes to his former classmate, his head is never screwed on right. He's always insulting Keith, yelling at him, and getting aggravated when normally he's a rather calm person. But now he's kissed Keith and gone and screwed this all up in a million different ways. Keith's probably uncomfortable as hell, especially seeing as how James very unsubtly insinuated he has sex with Shirogane to fill a void in his life where his dad should be.

In other words: James is a dick. While he and Keith might've changed, this part about them apparently hasn't.

"Right. I'm uh... I'm gonna head to bed now. Sorry about your nose," Keith says. James looks up but Keith still isn't facing him. Stupidly, James wants to see his face one more time, if only to see his rusty blood smeared his alabaster skin.

But Keith leaves the room without looking back.

James' nose throbs, but the pain in his chest is more acute. 

He really screwed up.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"What the fuck happened to you?" Rizavi asks, her eyebrows pinched together as she leans in to inspect the damage.

James looked in the mirror earlier that morning and found his cheek bruised and nose out of alignment, stinging like a bitch. He went to the infirmary after getting ready so a nurse could inspect it. It was, of course, broken. It had to be set and then bandaged up, which also caused an inordinate amount of pain; but it'd been something he had to get done. He couldn't just leave his nose as it was.

Thankfully, the nurse said it'd heal quickly and that he should be more careful next time. (He'd told her it got broken during training).

But sadly, that excuse won't work on his teammates, who eagerly stare at him, wanting him to tell the story.

He frowns, crossing his arms. He shouldn't have come to the cafeteria during the time they all eat, but it's unavoidable they'd see his injuries eventually anyway.

They aren't going to get the story behind them, though.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"He and Keith got into a fight," Leifsdottir supplies.

"What?!" Exclaims Kinkade as Rizavi's eyes widen dramatically.

"You were fighting with the leader of Voltron, because...?!" Rizavi asks, eyebrows practically shooting up into her hairline.

James ignores them, instead staring at Leifsdottir incredulously. " _How_ did you know that?!"

"I didn't. Entirely. But from the amount of staring you've done and the way you two fought back in training forever ago, I could make an educated guess."

James' mouth opens and closes, and no words come out.

"Are you going to tell us why?" Rizavi prods.

"No."

"Oh come on Griffin, we're all friends here. We'll take your side."

" _No!_ " He yells, voice louder and harsher than he meant it to be.

The table stills, his friend's eyes all widening in surprise. He puts his head in his hands, fingers digging into his hair. James Griffin doesn't have outbursts. Or at least, not the type that he just had. His friends know this. He can't blame them for being surprised by his behaviour and sighs.

"I just shouldn't talk about it, alright?" He says, moving his hands to look at them. They all nod slowly, and Rizavi's mouth is twisted, as it does when she's done something she regrets.

"You don't have to apologize. I've just been out of sorts." James nods at her.

"We get it," Kinkade jumps in, putting a hand on his shoulder. "The big mission is coming up soon and we're all stressed. Keith's plan is risky but we'll make it through this. Promise."

James gives a hesitant smile. That's not entirely what he's upset about, or why the fight happened for that matter, but Kinkade's heart is in the right place. "Thanks. And I promise no more fights."

"Thank god," Leifsdottir sighs.

James lets that one go.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

James thought things would get better after the incident with Keith — that he'd be more focused on the upcoming mission, but something else starts happening instead.

He starts having dreams of Keith.

It seems even in his sleep he can't escape the paladin.

James wouldn't mind much — except for the fact that he wakes up sweaty and half hard from most of them, sensations of hot blood smeared between lips and Keith's lithe body beneath his, squirming around in pleasure still fresh on his mind. In one dream, he'd even reverently traced the deep scar etched into Keith's face.

He now takes cold showers as part of his morning routines.

In the halls, James sometimes sees Shirogane and Keith close by, talking quietly, always with that open, lovey-dovey type of expression shared on their faces. He's pretty sure they aren't together by now, but by the way they look at each other, they might be some day.

And the problem is, James wants Keith to look at him like that.

But Keith never will. He'll never share this special, intimate bond Keith and Shiro have and it burns hotly inside James.

Jealousy is a monster that haunts James' bed, follows him through the halls, tugs his thoughts in bad directions.

He has to face it; he wants Keith. All to himself.

But that means admitting to himself Keith stirs envy within him like nobody else — that he used to wish he was Keith, that he could pilot a ship as naturally as Keith made it look, that he received special attention, that he was amazing too.

James thought he got over those feelings when he found out Keith was an orphan forever ago, but apparently not.

Kinkade eventually comes along and starts a conversation, snapping him out of his self-pitying thoughts. 

He doesn't, however, stop thinking about blood-tinged lips.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The time comes for them to enact the mission. James gets partnered up with Keith to drop him off at the site so he can summon his lion or whatever.

They don't mention the fight or the kiss, and James' mind, for once, isn't racing over inappropriate thoughts of the Paladin sitting behind him. He's much more worried about the fate of their planet instead of a certain black-haired man and his intense crush on him.

When they reach the site, James stops the engine of the MFE, cutting the load roar of it, leaving them in near silence.

"I know we never really get along but... be careful out there, okay?" He says, turning around to look at Keith through his helmet's visor, face as open as can be in an attempt to show his sincerity.

It works, apparently, as Keith's face softens. "Thanks. You be careful too. And give 'em hell. The Galra will give this their all, so we have to as well."

"Learned that the hard way a year ago." James laughs nervously.

Keith chuckles quietly. "Yeah. Been there, done that. Good luck out there."

Keith opens the hatch and makes to step out, but James stops him.

"Keith, wait. I know I've said this, but I'm sorry. For everything I've said and—"

"I know," Keith cuts him off, "but let's have this discussion later, okay?"

James nods. "Okay. Good luck."

"Thanks."

And with that, Keith is gone.

-

The next time James sees him, he's in a hospital bed back at the Garrison.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Keith's injury, thankfully, is nothing too serious. It's a minor concussion that'd been caused by his head hitting the dashboard of his lion too roughly. If it weren't for his helmet — which is now smashed to pieces — he'd be dead. His fellow Paladins are hospitalized too, all with lesser injuries than Keith's, but at least Keith is alive.

James is very thankful for that part.

Only a day after the paladins are recovered and Shirogane makes his speech, Keith wakes up, and news of it spreads triumphantly through the Garrison, boosting morale to such an incredible high, James swears people's faces will break from grinning too much.

They've finally got their planet back, and it only took two weeks to do once Voltron arrived.

Admittedly, there'd been a point back when the lions had been temporarily captured where he lost faith, but kept fighting on regardless, unable to accept them losing Earth to the Galra. James still had a sister and parents out there that he couldn't be letting down.

But they made it. And now, here he was, four days after the battle, standing outside Keith's hospital door, staring at the file posted outside containing the details of Keith's injuries.

He takes a deep breath in.

He doesn't know if Keith has any visitors, but desperately hopes the room to be empty aside from Keith.

James counts to three and pushes the door open.

The room is quiet. Clean and calm, filled with warm light filtering through sheer curtains. On the bed lies Keith, small and curled up in clean white hospital sheets. Only inky black hair and the top half of his face stick out from beneath the covers. James very nearly opens the door to leave when Keith shifts and stretches for a couple of seconds before sitting up. He blinks his eyes open and looks at James, only for his eyes to widen slightly.

"Oh," is all he says.

"Expecting someone else?" James asks, stepping further into the room.

"Thought you'd be my mom or Shiro. They're frequent visitors."

James' mind short-circuits. Keith's an orphan. What does he mean his _mom_ is a frequent visitor? Oh god. Maybe his head was hit so hard there was brain damage and he's been hallucinating his mother visiting him? But no—James quickly shoves the ridiculous thought from his mind. There has to be a more rational explanation for this.

"Your _mom_?" He asks, finally taking a seat at one of the many chairs near Keith's bed.

"Yeah. She's... ah, how do I put this? She's Galra. It's a long story, but to make it short, she had to leave Earth to protect not only me but the entire planet from being attacked by the Galra. She works for the Blade of Marmora."

James allows himself to process the information for a couple of seconds. There's a lot to unpack there, but one thought sticks out the most. "Wait— so that makes you half Galra?"

"Mmhmm."

Keith's face remains neutral, not betraying his thoughts on the matter in the slightest. James can't help but guffaw. "You know, somehow that actually fits you."

"Uh... thank you?" Keith blinks.

James' cheeks heat up and he looks away to the window. "I... anyway. I um, I came to have a chat with you. One I think is way overdue. I promise no insulting you this time." He waits for Keith to protest, to make up some sort of excuse that this can't happen and James has to go, but none comes. James looks back at Keith and finds him patiently waiting for James to continue.

Huh. Keith's newfound patience is certainly a blessing.

"I've said a lot of things to you that I regret deeply," he starts, folding his hands in his lap, "a lot that I should've never said. And I feel like I should explain why. I was— I was jealous of you. Ever since that day Shirogane took a shining to you, the class misfit who never even tried, who stole his car, it just wouldn't stop. You consistently did better than all of us at everything and you looked as though you weren't even trying. You didn't _care_ you outshone us all.

"I tried so hard to keep up, so that the instructors would look at me with awe the way they did with you, but... I never could." James chances a look at Keith. He's fiddling with the blanket in one hand, looking down, but James can tell he's still paying attention.

"I'm not saying any of that excuses how I treated you. But I just... I was so deeply insecure about my own status and I took it all out on you. It was childish and I'm sorry."

Keith sets the blanket down and meets James' eyes. "Apology accepted."

James feels as though a bag of weights has been lifted off his shoulder. "Really? That's it?"

Keith nods. "I wasn't exactly the easiest to get along with back then. I pushed everyone away, scared of what they could do to me if I let them in. I tried to seem as if nothing mattered to me so nothing could tear me apart the second they found out I did care. I... it came from me being torn from a long line of foster families. But I don't want to talk about that. I actually do want to ask you about something, though."

James leans back in his chair, feeling freer than ever with all of these once shoved down feelings out on the table.

"What you said about Shiro... the— the kiss... I haven't forgotten that, I just needed time to process my own feelings. But I want to hear what you have to say first."

James' throat tightens, as if trying to constrict words he's barely even admitted to himself from being said aloud. He can't look at Keith for this part, so he instead looks at his lap. "I've been jealous of you in many ways," he states. That sounds too cryptic, though, so he continues. "You and Shirogane were always so close and you looked at each other like you were each other's sun and moon. Hell, you two still look at each other like that. But I... I—" he laughs self-depreciatingly. "God this is stupid, but I had this intense crush on you while we were cadets. You'd never pay any attention to me beyond arguing, so I figured I'd just argue with you more so I'd get more attention. Apparently, that hasn't changed in me. When I saw you, in your Paladin suit, after not seeing you for four years, it was like being blinded by the sun."

James swallows, daring to move his head up to look at Keith.

Keith, for his part, is watching him with an open expression. He sat up sometime during James' confession and leaned forward.

James gathers any courage he can scrounge up, because he can fight a hundred Galra on the battlefield without flinching, has operated the fastest ships known to mankind, and has flown in outer space — yet still, this confession hanging on the edge of his tongue, refusing to fall out, feels like the toughest thing he's ever done.

Looking the paladin in the eye, he says, as earnestly as possible: "I still like you, Keith. Somehow, the second you took your helmet off, I couldn't stop thinking about how you seem more settled into yourself, or how you trust those around you, how easily confidence comes to you. I—"

James stops himself.

Keith is smiling.

Honest to god _smiling_ at him, with crinkles around his eyes and a relaxed posture.

"I have a confession to make too, then," Keith states. "I did like Shiro, but that was years ago. I don't feel that way anymore. He means the world to me, yes, but I don't see him as someone I could love in that way. And... after you insulted me, then kissed me, I'll admit, I was very confused. But I— I started to kiss you back right before Shiro and my wolf popped in, and I thought long and hard about that."

Keith fidgets with the blanket again. "It was when you came with Hunk and I to help find his parents instead of reporting us, or trying to stop us, that I realized I liked you. The old James Griffin I knew wouldn't have done that. What you and Veronica did meant so much to Hunk, and I couldn't stop thinking about you after that."

James holds in his breath. "Really?"

Keith nods. "I want to see where this goes. How does that sound?"

James grins. "Very good."

A moment of silence follows, and a thought pops into James' head. "There's something else I want to confess to: I couldn't stop thinking about my blood covering your lips after our argument."

Keith's face turns pink.

Huh, that's a funny reaction. Not entirely what James had been expecting, but it's satisfying nonetheless.

"I had dreams about you, too," he pushes.

Keith fidgets around with the blanket again and James dares to stand up and come to Keith's bedside. At this point, the paladin's face has gone a shade of tomato, and it's clear he's having trouble looking James in the eyes, but in a truly Keith matter, he defiantly keeps his gaze trained forward anyway.

James slowly moves a hand out to the side of Keith's face, giving him ample time to move away if he so wishes, but Keith remains steady. James looks to Keith's chapped, dry lips, not caring about the condition of them (they'd just fought a war, he can forgive it) and his eyelids flutter shut. Not a second later, his lips connect with Keith's, lightly and tentative — so different from the bloody smashing of lips only days ago.

Keith kisses back this time, hesitant and slow, mimicking the movement of James' mouth as if following his lead. James wonders for a second if Keith has had much experience in this area, then thinks the thought absurd. Keith's probably had a long line of lovers in his past — there's no way he hasn't.

Except— the way Keith hesitantly places a hand on James' shoulder, the way his lips are almost stiff against James', tell an entirely different story.

James almost stops to ask, but he can't stop. He's kissing Keith. Prickly, Mr. Lonewolf, _Keith_. He can't stop a smile from spreading and feels a huff of warm breath against his face as Keith smiles too. At this point, James can't help himself, he separates from Keith and helps himself up on the bed, knees on either side of Keith, practically straddling him.

Keith only looks amused by this, and James takes in his reddened, spit slick lips and immediately leans down to kiss him again.

The gentle kissing quickly turns into something more fevered after a minute. James finally has what he's always wanted, and his mind's racing a million miles a minute as thoughts of want consume him. He starts to lick into Keith's mouth and at first Keith makes a shocked noise, but opens his mouth regardless, allowing James to explore his mouth.

James puts a hand on Keith's shoulder, gently pushing him down so his head hits the stiff pillow of the hospital bed so he's completely at James' mercy.

Keith shifts, accidentally moving his pelvis against James', drawing a surprised inhale of breath from the both of them.

So then James repeats the movement, separating from Keith's lips so he can look at Keith's face as the sensation draws another noise out and Keith's eyes darken. "More," he says breathily.

James stills, remembering where they are. "You sure? Anyone could walk in, and your head—"

"Is fine. Just keep going."

James' rational side of his brain says this is a terrible idea. A nurse could walk in. A doctor could walk in. Shirogane could walk in. Or even worse, Keith's Galra mother could walk in. But when it comes to Keith, James never thinks things through entirely.

He ends up hesitating for only a couple of seconds before he's back to kissing Keith and moving his body against his. Against his pelvis, he can feel Keith hardening, just like he's starting to. He moves his lips from Keith's mouth to his jaw, then down to his neck where he applies just the slightest pressure with his teeth, drawing a hot moan out of Keith.

Keith arches against him, moving his hips in order to get more stimulation and James eagerly moves back against him.

But it isn't enough for James. He pulls down the waistband of his pants and then boxers, and Keith holds in a breath, staring at his cock for a moment before eagerly reconnecting his lips with James. James starts to pull up the hospital gown Keith's wearing and then the waistband of his shorts, but Keith's entire body stills, muscles going taut.

James moves back in order to see Keith's face. "You okay?" He asks.

"Yeah. I just— I've never—" His face heats up again and James swears he's never seen Keith so hesitant and embarrassed in all the time he's known him compared to the past ten minutes. But James likes this vulnerable side of him. And at least this confirms his theory Keith's never been with anyone else before.

"It's okay," James says, stroking his thumb against Keith's arm in a comforting motion. "Just stop me if you feel uncomfortable."

Keith nods and James moves to pull down the shorts again. Keith arches his body off the bed, making it easier for the shorts to come off, and then he's bare as well. Keith's cock is moderately sized, proportional to the rest of his body and James is filled with lust at the sight of him.

James takes them both in hand, groaning as Keith jerks his hips upward into his grip. James moves fast, his grip firm but not too tight. He swipes a finger across the tip of Keith's dick, which is leaking precome profusely and spreads it, using it to make the process slicker.

Keith pants heavily and keeps squirming beneath him, eyes flicking from James' face down to where he's jerking them both off, cutting off and choking back groans.

"God, you're so hot. Come on, I want to hear you, Keith."

Keith cries out and moves his hips more urgently, in a jerky pattern, and James can tell he's getting close. James feels a familiar pressure in his stomach at the thought and speeds his hand up.

Keith whines and arches his hips off the bed, gives a choked off groan and releases all over James' hand and between their bodies. James' breath quickens and he keeps going, causing Keith to try and move away from his touch from over-sensitivity before James moans and comes as well, the world forgotten as pleasure washes over him. Every inch of his body feels light and blissed out. 

He collapses on top of Keith, catching his breath as Keith does the same.

"That was. That was amazing," Keith sighs out. "Most excitement I've had in a hospital, I'll say that much."

James laughs weakly. "Yeah, I can definitely say the same." He wants to keep lying with Keith, basking in the afterglow, but the fact remains someone can walk in and quickly discern what just occurred. Reluctantly, he moves off Keith, pulling up his pants as Keith does the same. He gets off the bed to find a box of tissues sitting on the side table.

James grabs a few and wipes up the mess off himself and Keith the best he can. A few damp patches remain on their clothes, but those can always be washed away easily.

Once those are thrown in the trashcan in the corner of the room, he returns to Keith's bed. Keith's watching him calmly and James can't resist anymore. He climbs back into the bed, lying down at Keith's side. Keith doesn't protest, he simply moves over, and James thinks fuck it, for once in his life. He wants to enjoy the afterglow and he's going to do it. He lies his head on Keith's shoulder and wraps an arm around him. Keith's chest rises and falls evenly. James can hear his steady heartbeat. 

Keith puts a hand in his hair, hesitant before he starts to slowly run through it.

James has never felt more at peace.

Quickly, he drifts off, and for once, not one negative thought plagues his mind.

—

...And if he and Keith wake to Keith's mother walking in and finding them wrapped around each other in the hospital bed, at least he can say they have a great story about how he first met Keith's mom.

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it through this, congrats


End file.
